Tonight in group we talked about who we are or who we want to be
So this is my list, obviously I am working on most of these.
1. Someone who can be trusted.
2. Someone who can accept anyone.
3. Someone who is firm in what they believe, but would never persecute anyone for what they believe.
4. Someone who will always give what they can to other people.
5. Someone who is genuinely nice and doesn't expect anything in return.
6. Someone who is willing to share their feelings and emotions and tell people how they honestly feel.
7. Someone who can give guidance, but never be closed off to it.
8. Someone who can still see hope in the world.
9. Someone who can find the joy in the little things, despite whatever trials that person is going through
10. Someone who is happy with them self and knows how to make them self happy without relying on anyone else, or anything else.
This is basically the outline of what I want my life to be, somethings may be changed or added but these are things that make me happy and make me feel like I've done some good in the world.
So I apologize for the seriousness of this post but I felt like i needed to get it out.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Wow it's been a while
Well basically I am lazy and forgot to update this a lot. So ya now I am doing so.
Lets see what has Chandler experienced since last said blog post.
Well I went to Denver which was so awesome, and at the same time kind of a bummer cause it reminded me of how awful this state is in comparison... oh well it's all good.
Then it was spring break which basically consisted of me beating a 20 hour video game and sitting around being a fat person which ya know is cool.
Then Saturday me and Cami decided to be bosses and go to Salt Lake where we saw win win, defiantly one of my favorites and we just went to a bunch of awesome stores which were so freaking cool I was like "woah... coolness... brah"
Then it was this week which was pretty boring except for going to see Spencer's show cause lets face it that kid is awesome and my years were ringing for about an hour afterward which is always a good sign.
So ya this is basically why I dont blog cause its super freaking boring, oh well.
However friends you should blog more because they are fun and I enjoy them, sorry I cant return the favor... haha... tehe... chuckle chuckle.
Also remember hippos have feelings too, but its ok if you call them fat... they know they are... fatties
Lets see what has Chandler experienced since last said blog post.
Well I went to Denver which was so awesome, and at the same time kind of a bummer cause it reminded me of how awful this state is in comparison... oh well it's all good.
Then it was spring break which basically consisted of me beating a 20 hour video game and sitting around being a fat person which ya know is cool.
Then Saturday me and Cami decided to be bosses and go to Salt Lake where we saw win win, defiantly one of my favorites and we just went to a bunch of awesome stores which were so freaking cool I was like "woah... coolness... brah"
Then it was this week which was pretty boring except for going to see Spencer's show cause lets face it that kid is awesome and my years were ringing for about an hour afterward which is always a good sign.
So ya this is basically why I dont blog cause its super freaking boring, oh well.
However friends you should blog more because they are fun and I enjoy them, sorry I cant return the favor... haha... tehe... chuckle chuckle.
Also remember hippos have feelings too, but its ok if you call them fat... they know they are... fatties
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Life is looking good :)
So basically I am very excited for this week
Tomorrow is my drum lesson and I am learning some awesome songs and my drum teacher is a BABE! So that's always a lot of fun.
Then Tuesday who knows what I'll do, but it is group which is always one of the best parts of my week.
Then comes Wensday and I get to go on a date and actually see the drowsy chaperone instead of being backstage, so you could say I am very excited about both :)
Then tis the day of thirst, in which I shall pack and probably go see the show again so that will be good as well.
Then it is Friday!!! In which I get a long awaited Christmas present of getting on a plane and going to Denver and that night I will get to see my beloved Dallas Stars play!!! I haven't been to one of thier games in so long and I am just so freaking excited! Then I spend the rest of the weekend in Denver and then it's spring break!!!
Yes life is looking quite good.
And Utah weather... Just get laid by the sun and leave us alone with the snow... Rain is fine... Snow... Ya that needs to go to hell. That's all
Tomorrow is my drum lesson and I am learning some awesome songs and my drum teacher is a BABE! So that's always a lot of fun.
Then Tuesday who knows what I'll do, but it is group which is always one of the best parts of my week.
Then comes Wensday and I get to go on a date and actually see the drowsy chaperone instead of being backstage, so you could say I am very excited about both :)
Then tis the day of thirst, in which I shall pack and probably go see the show again so that will be good as well.
Then it is Friday!!! In which I get a long awaited Christmas present of getting on a plane and going to Denver and that night I will get to see my beloved Dallas Stars play!!! I haven't been to one of thier games in so long and I am just so freaking excited! Then I spend the rest of the weekend in Denver and then it's spring break!!!
Yes life is looking quite good.
And Utah weather... Just get laid by the sun and leave us alone with the snow... Rain is fine... Snow... Ya that needs to go to hell. That's all
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
A Shout Out
Well it's been a while so I decided hey why not give a shout out to some of the best people in my life.
That is of course my group.
You see awhile ago I was diagnosed with depression, this came after I began noticing a total lack of desire for everything and even contemplated killing my self. It seemed easier and like it would take off a burden from me and others.
Thank god for Harrison. I told him about this and he suggested I meet with Doug his therapist. I decided well it certainly couldn't hurt so I set up an appointment and met with Doug. I had no idea what to expect, but I soon learned that he just wanted to get to know me and just wanted to care about me. It was amazing and I started seeing small growth in my self right away.
He then extended an invitation to go to group that week. I said I would make it the following week.
I couldn't have made a better decision
I walked into that group nervous as hell and not knowing what was going to happen or what would be said, now a rule of group is what we say stays there so I can't give details but I was put on the hot seat the first night. I don't think I had cried like that in years, it was amazing.
Week after week I go and week after week o continue to grow as a human and as a friend. I wouldn't trade my time in group for anything, it has been the most amazing time of my life and I literally look forward to it every seek and it just recharges my batteries so I can continue to be me. I love every single one of those people more than any words can describe, they are all such amazing people and I just want the very best for all of them in the future because they certainly deserve it.
So yes this has been my random shoutout.
So to Doug, Brian, and everyone in group thank you so much. You are all amazing and I love everysingle one of you.
And kids just remember that somewhere over the rainbow... There is another rainbow
That is of course my group.
You see awhile ago I was diagnosed with depression, this came after I began noticing a total lack of desire for everything and even contemplated killing my self. It seemed easier and like it would take off a burden from me and others.
Thank god for Harrison. I told him about this and he suggested I meet with Doug his therapist. I decided well it certainly couldn't hurt so I set up an appointment and met with Doug. I had no idea what to expect, but I soon learned that he just wanted to get to know me and just wanted to care about me. It was amazing and I started seeing small growth in my self right away.
He then extended an invitation to go to group that week. I said I would make it the following week.
I couldn't have made a better decision
I walked into that group nervous as hell and not knowing what was going to happen or what would be said, now a rule of group is what we say stays there so I can't give details but I was put on the hot seat the first night. I don't think I had cried like that in years, it was amazing.
Week after week I go and week after week o continue to grow as a human and as a friend. I wouldn't trade my time in group for anything, it has been the most amazing time of my life and I literally look forward to it every seek and it just recharges my batteries so I can continue to be me. I love every single one of those people more than any words can describe, they are all such amazing people and I just want the very best for all of them in the future because they certainly deserve it.
So yes this has been my random shoutout.
So to Doug, Brian, and everyone in group thank you so much. You are all amazing and I love everysingle one of you.
And kids just remember that somewhere over the rainbow... There is another rainbow
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Why is hating ourselves easier?
I have struggled with my self esteem since the time I found out what self esteem meant.
I would look in the mirror and say wow look at how ugly you are, no wonder no one likes you. I would do something like sports or dance and just think "wow you suck at this and are just making a fool of yourself"
I lived and accepted this for years, I can't remember a time when it didn't reside in my brain.
Why? Why is it so much easier to look in the mirror and pick and knaw at our flaws for hours. Guess what we are flawed beings, you are no less flawed than the person next to you. Society can show you pretty and handsome all they want, but guess what those people are just as insecure about themselves as you are.
One day I just realized ya know what I have things and abilitys no one else has. No one else has my hair or my eye color or my smile. Are these things flawed? According to a magazine or TV yes of course. What the hell isnt to them? We spend all this time trying to look like what society expects or thinks is pretty or is in. Why the hell do we care so much? Have you ever honestly had what society thought was amazing and been truly happy? Or were you just happy because you had it and someone else didn't? Look I will be honest and admit when I have something cool that someone else doesnt I get this little feeling of pride and a sense I'm better. How long does that last? Well until the kid next to you has something better. Then you feel dumb.
All I ask is that we look at ourselves as a person that no one else is. Because we are, we are special, we are unique. Look in the mirror.... No one else is that person.
Now here is the catch, that person has things to offer to the world that no one else can. You have a reason and a purpose. We are here to find it, hello we have known that forever.
Now the tricky part. Finding those things. Finding the things that we have that are unique to us and special to us. You have them, everyone does.
If society says they aren't special or aren't unique then say "screw you society you don't know what you want you are just one big pile of sad self esteem who is full of shit and doesnt know what you want"
Why do you think fashion changes so much? Or how we are supposed to look? Because society can't be happy with it's self.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good or get that nice thing, I do it hell everyone does.
Just please don't let it dominate your life... You are amazing. You are you. No one can take that from you.
Find the things that are amazing about you. Dig deep it's there I promise.
I would look in the mirror and say wow look at how ugly you are, no wonder no one likes you. I would do something like sports or dance and just think "wow you suck at this and are just making a fool of yourself"
I lived and accepted this for years, I can't remember a time when it didn't reside in my brain.
Why? Why is it so much easier to look in the mirror and pick and knaw at our flaws for hours. Guess what we are flawed beings, you are no less flawed than the person next to you. Society can show you pretty and handsome all they want, but guess what those people are just as insecure about themselves as you are.
One day I just realized ya know what I have things and abilitys no one else has. No one else has my hair or my eye color or my smile. Are these things flawed? According to a magazine or TV yes of course. What the hell isnt to them? We spend all this time trying to look like what society expects or thinks is pretty or is in. Why the hell do we care so much? Have you ever honestly had what society thought was amazing and been truly happy? Or were you just happy because you had it and someone else didn't? Look I will be honest and admit when I have something cool that someone else doesnt I get this little feeling of pride and a sense I'm better. How long does that last? Well until the kid next to you has something better. Then you feel dumb.
All I ask is that we look at ourselves as a person that no one else is. Because we are, we are special, we are unique. Look in the mirror.... No one else is that person.
Now here is the catch, that person has things to offer to the world that no one else can. You have a reason and a purpose. We are here to find it, hello we have known that forever.
Now the tricky part. Finding those things. Finding the things that we have that are unique to us and special to us. You have them, everyone does.
If society says they aren't special or aren't unique then say "screw you society you don't know what you want you are just one big pile of sad self esteem who is full of shit and doesnt know what you want"
Why do you think fashion changes so much? Or how we are supposed to look? Because society can't be happy with it's self.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good or get that nice thing, I do it hell everyone does.
Just please don't let it dominate your life... You are amazing. You are you. No one can take that from you.
Find the things that are amazing about you. Dig deep it's there I promise.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
The days of no social contact are over!!
So basically we learned today that Chandler cooped up in his house all week is a bad thing.
The morning started like this, I got up got ready and then drove to school. I was halfway there and realized I didn't have my backpack. Oh well this happens when you don't go to school for a week.
The rest of the day was filled with strange urges such as.... What if I just tackled mark and took his chip?
Or... What if I just rubbed my scruff on some person who walked by
And of course.... What if I just grabbed that girl and kissed them... I would probably get arrested
So yes this was my poor brain coping with the realm of social order again.
Let's just all hope and pray it gets better with more people time! Hoorah
Also if a vegetarian painter has a hard time painting trees... You may want to keep a close eye on him...
The morning started like this, I got up got ready and then drove to school. I was halfway there and realized I didn't have my backpack. Oh well this happens when you don't go to school for a week.
The rest of the day was filled with strange urges such as.... What if I just tackled mark and took his chip?
Or... What if I just rubbed my scruff on some person who walked by
And of course.... What if I just grabbed that girl and kissed them... I would probably get arrested
So yes this was my poor brain coping with the realm of social order again.
Let's just all hope and pray it gets better with more people time! Hoorah
Also if a vegetarian painter has a hard time painting trees... You may want to keep a close eye on him...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The ilness that wouldn't die!
Ok immunity system I am firing you. It has been 5 days and I have barely improved. What's the problem did I get the Rambo of viruses or something!
My immune system is like fire missiles, virus dodges then proceeds to blow up immune system with a rocket arrow. Then virus flexes pectorals and proceeds to scratch my throat so I cough.
So virus go to hell along with your pal arnold bacterianagger, and immune system just grow a pair and kill this thing already please! I miss my friends and almost every other life activity!
Well this has been my random rant
Also remember if it doesn't violate BYU's honor code, it's not worth doing. That is all.... Peace!... Bitches
My immune system is like fire missiles, virus dodges then proceeds to blow up immune system with a rocket arrow. Then virus flexes pectorals and proceeds to scratch my throat so I cough.
So virus go to hell along with your pal arnold bacterianagger, and immune system just grow a pair and kill this thing already please! I miss my friends and almost every other life activity!
Well this has been my random rant
Also remember if it doesn't violate BYU's honor code, it's not worth doing. That is all.... Peace!... Bitches
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sickness.
Well it's funny how life works, you go from doing great to quite ill in less than a day.
Essentially I have just laid in bed with a fever of 100+ all day, and have so much due tomorrow on top of that, and yet I am blogging... oh well
So ya that is all, however I am not letting my illness get to my spirits, I have still been quite happy all day.
Also going to downtown AF while mark runs around in a hockey mask and tackles Harrison is always a great day.
Also did you know it is not illegal to have sex in a bathroom on an airplane... well now you know.
Essentially I have just laid in bed with a fever of 100+ all day, and have so much due tomorrow on top of that, and yet I am blogging... oh well
So ya that is all, however I am not letting my illness get to my spirits, I have still been quite happy all day.
Also going to downtown AF while mark runs around in a hockey mask and tackles Harrison is always a great day.
Also did you know it is not illegal to have sex in a bathroom on an airplane... well now you know.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Well It's been awhile
Well it has been a very long time since I posted so I decided meh what the hell.
Well basically the life report is that I am happy, much happier than I have been in a very long time.
I have overcome something quite big in my life and have proven to myself I can do it.
Since then I have been so much happier and a little less self degrading on myself. I have decided that I know what makes me happy and I am gonna do it.
Also I have had one of the best weekends in recent memory not just because of the events but because I wasn't fighting my self the whole time trying to not sink back into depression.
Who knows how long this will last, I hope forever and I am doing everything I can to make it that way.
But hey I am happy and go ahead world throw what you want at me, I can take it now.
Also quote of the day: "Well let's hope it doesn't come to that."
Well basically the life report is that I am happy, much happier than I have been in a very long time.
I have overcome something quite big in my life and have proven to myself I can do it.
Since then I have been so much happier and a little less self degrading on myself. I have decided that I know what makes me happy and I am gonna do it.
Also I have had one of the best weekends in recent memory not just because of the events but because I wasn't fighting my self the whole time trying to not sink back into depression.
Who knows how long this will last, I hope forever and I am doing everything I can to make it that way.
But hey I am happy and go ahead world throw what you want at me, I can take it now.
Also quote of the day: "Well let's hope it doesn't come to that."
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Ahhhh lazy days
So today because I was recovering from my random stomach illness I proceeded to lay in bed until 5, when I finally decided to take a shower
It was marvelous.
Now I am just dreading tomorrow cause I feel like it is gonna be long and uneventful. Plus I just want it to be friday because it's gonna be morp and I am super duper excited!!
P.S the only way to cure an ice cream headache is sex... On a motorcycle
It was marvelous.
Now I am just dreading tomorrow cause I feel like it is gonna be long and uneventful. Plus I just want it to be friday because it's gonna be morp and I am super duper excited!!
P.S the only way to cure an ice cream headache is sex... On a motorcycle
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Wow... What the Strange Day
So here was my day, woke up got cami and went to school, there I attempted to find my room to take the ACT. I found it and the door was locked and J was there in his quicrky happy mood of trying to impress people, it was quite entertaining.
Then I took the ACT which was ya know... The ACT.
After that we went to JCW's which was great, but then cam the best part
The Kings Speech!!!
That movie is phenomenal, totally deserves every award it got!
Then I went to ihop and then to meet win Angela. Mostly in an effort to avoid going home as my parents meet with my therapist today and I was scares to see them. However when they called me everything seemed totally normal.
Then it was time to go to the mall, about halfway there my stomach began to churn and not be happy. Well after some time at the mall I decided to go to the bathroom, where I proceded to throw up.... Not fun at all... Like negative fun involved.
So basically Stephanie had to drive my car cause I had to focus my brain on not vomiting, however despite my illness I needed to talk to Doug. When I did he said the meeting went very well and he told my parents to let me figure out my life. Please let them listen! They haven't said anything so I hope that is a good sign.
So anyway now I am sitting on my couch wishing my stomach didn't exsist. Or that I had 3 more so that I could just switch to another stomach. I'm going to invent that!! Alternative stomachs!
Then I took the ACT which was ya know... The ACT.
After that we went to JCW's which was great, but then cam the best part
The Kings Speech!!!
That movie is phenomenal, totally deserves every award it got!
Then I went to ihop and then to meet win Angela. Mostly in an effort to avoid going home as my parents meet with my therapist today and I was scares to see them. However when they called me everything seemed totally normal.
Then it was time to go to the mall, about halfway there my stomach began to churn and not be happy. Well after some time at the mall I decided to go to the bathroom, where I proceded to throw up.... Not fun at all... Like negative fun involved.
So basically Stephanie had to drive my car cause I had to focus my brain on not vomiting, however despite my illness I needed to talk to Doug. When I did he said the meeting went very well and he told my parents to let me figure out my life. Please let them listen! They haven't said anything so I hope that is a good sign.
So anyway now I am sitting on my couch wishing my stomach didn't exsist. Or that I had 3 more so that I could just switch to another stomach. I'm going to invent that!! Alternative stomachs!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Oh Life Why Stress Me So
So basically my day was quite good. I got to miss drama with good ol cami and get some chick fil a which is always fantastic.
Then after school I went and hung with my good friend Veronica and we watched hot rod a.k.a the best movie ever.
Now we come to the weird stresses in my life.
1. The girl I like a ton has a boyfriend
2. My subconscious is trying to get me to like a girl which is just not a good girl to like right now
3. I have the ACT tomorrow.
4. My parents are meeting with my therapist tomorrow, and he is telling them about my stand with the church. I am not looking forward to the results.
However on the bright side I am seeing the kings speech tomorrow!!! So stoked!
Also I have group which is always a huge highligt of my week cause it's just amazing and I love those people with every fiber of my being.
So basically to sum this up, subconcious go screw yourself... Ok chandler
And parents please still love me but don't try to control me
Then after school I went and hung with my good friend Veronica and we watched hot rod a.k.a the best movie ever.
Now we come to the weird stresses in my life.
1. The girl I like a ton has a boyfriend
2. My subconscious is trying to get me to like a girl which is just not a good girl to like right now
3. I have the ACT tomorrow.
4. My parents are meeting with my therapist tomorrow, and he is telling them about my stand with the church. I am not looking forward to the results.
However on the bright side I am seeing the kings speech tomorrow!!! So stoked!
Also I have group which is always a huge highligt of my week cause it's just amazing and I love those people with every fiber of my being.
So basically to sum this up, subconcious go screw yourself... Ok chandler
And parents please still love me but don't try to control me
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Dear People... Please learn to accept
Ok so here is the deal I have a feeling most of these posts will be humorous or just weird and random. However this is something I need to get off my chest so I am blogging about it... So here is the thing I have been raised in the LDS church my entire life, my parents and almost my entire extended family are extremely devout in it. Now I being young always believed the church until about the age of 13 when things just stopped making sense to me, I didn't give up and I still completely haven't however as more and more questions arouse, it became more and more forced down my throat. I realized it was no longer about me and my decisions it was about what made my parents happy. This became very apparent when at the age of 15 I told my parents I didn't believe the church. The looks on their faces stung more than anything else in my entire life. They then decided to set up weekly meeting with the stake president, after about a month I gave in and said I believed the church again. My house has been hell to me since then, I cannot be my self around them, and I always have to put on a show to make them happy. Now recently I meet with my bishop who set up an appointment with me cause I didn't have a temple recommend. I was not gonna lie and pretend like I was worthy or had any desire to go. Now I get to have weekly meetings with him... Please all I ask from people is to just accept peoples decisions and how they live their life. I am not a bad kid, I just have issues with the church. I believe and talk to god on a regular basis. I am not perfect in this and have to work all the time to not judge others on how they live their life, but being a project is not a fun thing. So please just love people, and give them a chance to be themselves.
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