New Blog

So for anyone who follows this blog... Obviously I haven't posted on here in years, but I made a new blog and here is the adress http://chandlerspoetyspot.blogspot.com/ it's a poetry blog... so if you want to read poetry I write for whatever reason follow that.... Thanks!

Who I Am

Tonight in group we talked about who we are or who we want to be
So this is my list, obviously I am working on most of these.

1. Someone who can be trusted.

2. Someone who can accept anyone.

3. Someone who is firm in what they believe, but would never persecute anyone for what they believe.

4. Someone who will always give what they can to other people.

5. Someone who is genuinely nice and doesn't expect anything in return.

6. Someone who is willing to share their feelings and emotions and tell people how they honestly feel.

7. Someone who can give guidance, but never be closed off to it.

8. Someone who can still see hope in the world.

9. Someone who can find the joy in the little things, despite whatever trials that person is going through

10. Someone who is happy with them self and knows how to make them self happy without relying on anyone else, or anything else.

This is basically the outline of what I want my life to be, somethings may be changed or added but these are things that make me happy and make me feel like I've done some good in the world.
So I apologize for the seriousness of this post but I felt like i needed to get it out.

Wow it's been a while

Well basically I am lazy and forgot to update this a lot. So ya now I am doing so.
Lets see what has Chandler experienced since last said blog post.
Well I went to Denver which was so awesome, and at the same time kind of a bummer cause it reminded me of how awful this state is in comparison... oh well it's all good.
Then it was spring break which basically consisted of me beating a 20 hour video game and sitting around being a fat person which ya know is cool.

Then Saturday me and Cami decided to be bosses and go to Salt Lake where we saw win win, defiantly one of my favorites and we just went to a bunch of awesome stores which were so freaking cool I was like "woah... coolness... brah"

Then it was this week which was pretty boring except for going to see Spencer's show cause lets face it that kid is awesome and my years were ringing for about an hour afterward which is always a good sign.

So ya this is basically why I dont blog cause its super freaking boring, oh well.

However friends you should blog more because they are fun and I enjoy them, sorry I cant return the favor... haha... tehe... chuckle chuckle.

Also remember hippos have feelings too, but its ok if you call them fat... they know they are... fatties

Life is looking good :)

So basically I am very excited for this week

Tomorrow is my drum lesson and I am learning some awesome songs and my drum teacher is a BABE! So that's always a lot of fun.

Then Tuesday who knows what I'll do, but it is group which is always one of the best parts of my week.

Then comes Wensday and I get to go on a date and actually see the drowsy chaperone instead of being backstage, so you could say I am very excited about both :)

Then tis the day of thirst, in which I shall pack and probably go see the show again so that will be good as well.

Then it is Friday!!! In which I get a long awaited Christmas present of getting on a plane and going to Denver and that night I will get to see my beloved Dallas Stars play!!! I haven't been to one of thier games in so long and I am just so freaking excited! Then I spend the rest of the weekend in Denver and then it's spring break!!!

Yes life is looking quite good.

And Utah weather... Just get laid by the sun and leave us alone with the snow... Rain is fine... Snow... Ya that needs to go to hell. That's all

A Shout Out

Well it's been a while so I decided hey why not give a shout out to some of the best people in my life.
That is of course my group.

You see awhile ago I was diagnosed with depression, this came after I began noticing a total lack of desire for everything and even contemplated killing my self. It seemed easier and like it would take off a burden from me and others.

Thank god for Harrison. I told him about this and he suggested I meet with Doug his therapist. I decided well it certainly couldn't hurt so I set up an appointment and met with Doug. I had no idea what to expect, but I soon learned that he just wanted to get to know me and just wanted to care about me. It was amazing and I started seeing small growth in my self right away.
He then extended an invitation to go to group that week. I said I would make it the following week.
I couldn't have made a better decision

I walked into that group nervous as hell and not knowing what was going to happen or what would be said, now a rule of group is what we say stays there so I can't give details but I was put on the hot seat the first night. I don't think I had cried like that in years, it was amazing.

Week after week I go and week after week o continue to grow as a human and as a friend. I wouldn't trade my time in group for anything, it has been the most amazing time of my life and I literally look forward to it every seek and it just recharges my batteries so I can continue to be me. I love every single one of those people more than any words can describe, they are all such amazing people and I just want the very best for all of them in the future because they certainly deserve it.

So yes this has been my random shoutout.

So to Doug, Brian, and everyone in group thank you so much. You are all amazing and I love everysingle one of you.

And kids just remember that somewhere over the rainbow... There is another rainbow

Why is hating ourselves easier?

I have struggled with my self esteem since the time I found out what self esteem meant.
I would look in the mirror and say wow look at how ugly you are, no wonder no one likes you. I would do something like sports or dance and just think "wow you suck at this and are just making a fool of yourself"
I lived and accepted this for years, I can't remember a time when it didn't reside in my brain.
Why? Why is it so much easier to look in the mirror and pick and knaw at our flaws for hours. Guess what we are flawed beings, you are no less flawed than the person next to you. Society can show you pretty and handsome all they want, but guess what those people are just as insecure about themselves as you are.
One day I just realized ya know what I have things and abilitys no one else has. No one else has my hair or my eye color or my smile. Are these things flawed? According to a magazine or TV yes of course. What the hell isnt to them? We spend all this time trying to look like what society expects or thinks is pretty or is in. Why the hell do we care so much? Have you ever honestly had what society thought was amazing and been truly happy? Or were you just happy because you had it and someone else didn't? Look I will be honest and admit when I have something cool that someone else doesnt I get this little feeling of pride and a sense I'm better. How long does that last? Well until the kid next to you has something better. Then you feel dumb.
All I ask is that we look at ourselves as a person that no one else is. Because we are, we are special, we are unique. Look in the mirror.... No one else is that person.
Now here is the catch, that person has things to offer to the world that no one else can. You have a reason and a purpose. We are here to find it, hello we have known that forever.
Now the tricky part. Finding those things. Finding the things that we have that are unique to us and special to us. You have them, everyone does.
If society says they aren't special or aren't unique then say "screw you society you don't know what you want you are just one big pile of sad self esteem who is full of shit and doesnt know what you want"
Why do you think fashion changes so much? Or how we are supposed to look? Because society can't be happy with it's self.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good or get that nice thing, I do it hell everyone does.
Just please don't let it dominate your life... You are amazing. You are you. No one can take that from you.
Find the things that are amazing about you. Dig deep it's there I promise.

The days of no social contact are over!!

So basically we learned today that Chandler cooped up in his house all week is a bad thing.
The morning started like this, I got up got ready and then drove to school. I was halfway there and realized I didn't have my backpack. Oh well this happens when you don't go to school for a week.
The rest of the day was filled with strange urges such as.... What if I just tackled mark and took his chip?
Or... What if I just rubbed my scruff on some person who walked by
And of course.... What if I just grabbed that girl and kissed them... I would probably get arrested
So yes this was my poor brain coping with the realm of social order again.
Let's just all hope and pray it gets better with more people time! Hoorah

Also if a vegetarian painter has a hard time painting trees... You may want to keep a close eye on him...